


Inevitable

by AsphyxiatedComatose



Category: Naruto
Genre: Death, Gen, Pandemics, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:47:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28100415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsphyxiatedComatose/pseuds/AsphyxiatedComatose
Summary: The trouble is, you think you have time.
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trying something new. Yes I have a ton of unfinished work but hey, isn't it what we all do? ;)

_War fucks you up. It fucked me up. No one should know what burning bodies smell like; I figured they’d smell noxious, gut-wrenching, making you choke down the vile – type smell. But they smell sweet. Sickly sweet, thick in your throat like it’s coated it.  
  
I don’t exactly know how to explain it. I’m not bothered by it, but I am. I’m not me anymore, and I keep wondering if it’ll get better. Or Is this who I am now? It’s exhausting. I want to be who I was but, I don’t feel sad, I don’t feel angry…   
  
I feel nothing. Comfortably numb. This is my life now.  
_  
  
  
On top of almost dying, this year is absolute shit. There’s a plague and the whole fucking globe is in a pandemic. Most of it in one place, run by a moron of a leader.   
  
It’s depressing, but apparently every single individual has come to terms with the fact that this is the way we live now.   
  
Our new norm, my new norm is riots, protests, people dying. It wouldn’t baffle me if this is how the world was really ending, I’ve always envisioned it this way anyway.   
  
  
  
I pictured governments being overthrown, but instead of intelligent-make-the-world-a-better-place-type of humans over running them, it’s filled with more morons, just like all of the politicians who think they know everything and anything.   
  
  
I imagined that we would be the downfall of the planet by pollution and overpopulation.   
But I didn’t think I’d be alive to see it. I figured this would happen hundreds of years from now, not before I’m fucking 30.   
  
  
People are losing their homes; suicide is at its highest because they can’t afford their bills. Homelessness is everywhere and the lack of jobs and shit economy just makes you want to jump off a bridge anyway.   
  
  
I contemplated jumping.   
  
  
I’d do it on the bridge that connects the two cities.  
  
337 Feet high, that’s a long way to fall to hit water.  
  
  
Conceptualizing just what would happen if someone did jump off a bridge 337 feet in the air. Either…they’d die instantly, or miraculously survive. Though, I feel like if you survived that, you wouldn’t want to. I mean, my uncle survived but he broke both his legs and practically shattered his spine.  
  
  
The guy went blind too, tried offing himself five times since then…but I feel like if death really wanted you, he’d stop letting him live through every attempted suicide.   
I don’t know how he’s still alive, but he seems like he’s come to terms with the fact that it’s just not his time. I often wonder if maybe he feels how I do, or maybe I’m just suffering from my own trauma.   
  
My brother told me it gets better with time, like anything…but he’s my brother so he has to say it.   
  
Not that I’ve ever asked him…but our parents are dead, so I guess he feels obligated to tell me it’ll be alright.   
  
  
**‘- ’Hey, are you even listening to me?’’**   
  
I looked up, the side of my middle finger white from the pressure of my pen. I blinked, dazed and lost in thought. ‘’What?’’ Realizing just how hoarse my voice was, I could see my reflection in Naruto’s stare.  
  
  
‘’…You alright man? You look out of it.’’ Placing a hand on my shoulder, I saw the genuine concern arch in his brow. The blur of someone behind him coming into view.   
  
‘’I’m fine,’’ I reassured, even though I wasn’t – he knew it too.   
  
Shaking my head, I cracked a smile. ‘’Really, fine.’’ I could feel the worry radiating off of him like heat from the sun. It irritated me of all things. I was in the war, we both were, but somehow Naruto managed to come out fine – but I was all around fucked up.   
  
  
‘’Right, have you been listening to me at all?’’ Naruto asked again, holding up a baby blue book that fit perfectly in his hand. It was small with not more than an inch of thickness to it. ‘’-This guy, you have to read, it’ll change how you see things. I promise.’’ Naurto inched the paperback in my direction, looking at the blur behind him.   
  
Was I losing my fucking sight now? Cussing, I rubbed my eyes. Feeling the ache from the 3 hours of sleep I got the night before. My brain was buzzing off of coffee, but my body felt like heavy weights. The blur wasn’t much better, glancing around I looked back at Naruto – he was fine, but the shadow behind him was now.   
  
The worry radiated again as Naruto leaned back in his chair, waving down the waitress.   
  
  
‘’More coffee?’’ Temari, blonde, bold – a bit of a bitch, but always told you how it was looked at me with the same reflection of Naruto – worry.  
  
Why were they so fucking worried? Let it be.   
  
  
‘’No,’’ I declined, closing my journal. Looking up only to see the blur had gone and I felt fine – no headache, no pressure against my eyes. ‘’-Did you by any chance spike my coffee?’’ Grinning, I didn’t mean to be brash but Temari rolled those amber eyes.   
  
‘’No you twat, I did not.’’ Pouring Naruto more coffee she leaned down closer to his ear. ‘’Is he alright?’’   
  
  
Naruto sighed, sliding Temari the cheque for our coffee and his bagel with butter. ‘’No, it’s just the anniversary of you know… ‘’  
  
  
‘’If you’re talking about my parents or the war, can you not?’’ Snapping briefly, I cooled my nerves as quickly as I snapped. ‘’Sorry-‘’ Running a hand through my hair, I finished what was left in my cup, pushed myself up and grabbed my shit. ‘’Just no sleep yeah? I should go.’’  
  
  
‘’I’ll call you later Sasu-cakes.’’ Calling out, Naruto always was an obnoxious dick…not that he intended it in a harsh way, it just got on my nerves.   
  
  
How someone with all the shit he’s been through still hold his head up high – I don’t fucking get it. How can someone go through something like a fucking war and still be okay? I’m not okay. Not that it really bothers me anyway.   
  
Pausing as I rounded the corner from the coffee shop, standing at the lights I watched the green light turn yellow and then red. Tapping my foot impatiently on the concrete, I looked across the street only to see that same blur from earlier, only it wasn’t so much of a blur after a car passed between me and it. I blinked and saw pink.   
  
  
Pink hair.   
  
  
The light changed without realization and I stepped forward, people around me moving at different speeds as they hurried through the intersection.   
  
I walked slower, eyes stuck to pink hair – the sky was grey and there was no color…except her and her pink hair.   
  
  
Too distracted, as we passed one another I made it to the other side.   
  
  
Was I hallucinating now?   
  
  
Stopping at the other side, I glanced back but the pink hair and the girl were gone – out of sight.   
  
  
I really need to get my head fucking checked. Not that I haven’t already been going. Kakashi Hatake is a hell of a therapist…not because he went to school and studied for years upon years, but because once the military discharges you with severe PTSD they force you to talk about it. As much as possible and it doesn’t fucking help – but they don’t care, even the 90% of PTSD dudes who’ve already offed themselves….as long as they’re signed up for fucking therapy it’s totally fine when they’re dead in the ground from a lack of support from the shit government.   
  
It would’ve been better if atomic bombs were just used and humans were wiped; then maybe so many people wouldn’t be suffering on a day-to-day, when nothing, not pills, not therapy, not anything can help.   
  
‘’-Bad Sleep, Sasuke?’’   
  
Kakashi cut in, realizing we were in a session without really realizing. I blinked, running a hand through my hair. I needed a cut. ‘’Yeah,’’ Shaking my head, I felt the shake in my leg.  
  
  
I kept thinking about that pink haired girl. ‘’Yeah, my vision has been kind of blurry today.’’   
  
  
‘’That’s new.’’ Kakashi wasn’t like your normal therapist, not from my experience. The guy was jacked. Not over the top, but tall and built like someone who ran everyday of their life and pushed themselves. His hair was silver, and tattooed lined his forearms, I knew he was covered, even under the fancy button down dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up. The pack of smoke that showed just partially over the fabric of its pocket.  
  
The scar that lined his left eye, making one eye a fake; a cyborg-type…the latest technology in prosthetics. Though the world was ending, and bad shit is never ending…our technology, unlike us, has been advancing. Giving those without sight the chance to see, those without arms or hands the chance to live normal-everyday lives.   
  
Kakashi was a veteran. I used to hear rumors, tons…but I never really asked; it was never really my place…even though I wanted to.   
  
‘’Yeah,’’ Shrugging, I eyed him from head to toe. Everyday was different, same shit, just different day. We’d have small talk, brief interactions. It wasn’t like it wasn’t working – he just understood. He was like me; and apparently, he lived through it, I was beginning to question why I couldn’t.   
  
‘’Right, I think we need to add more sessions.’’   
  
\- This was new, I didn’t like it. Therapy twice a week was more than enough, but he didn’t think so.   
  
‘’Sasuke I want to start seeing you three times a week and every second Sunday.’’ Pulling out his prescription pad, he scribbled something quickly before handing it to me. ‘’This is a prescription for sleeping pills. Low dose, but it’ll help.’’   
  
  
‘’Right.’’ I took the note without hesitation and stood up; my vision blurred slightly. Maybe I was just losing my shit. Rubbing my eyes, Kakashi noticed.   
  
‘’You alright?’’   
  
I nodded. ‘’Fine, just need some sleep.’’ I lied. My vision was blurry all day, at least something was blurry.   
  
The walk home was cold, but I didn’t mind. At least I was going home. I’ll never take it for granted…having a warm bed and a place to shower. When you sit in a trench for four weeks straight in freezing cold temperatures surrounded by fucking enemies so you can’t have a fire, your mouth bitter from the nicotine caked into your gums; you learn to appreciate the little things like how hot water feels against your skin and how much relief you have knowing nothing is going to try and kill you.   
  
Realizing I hadn’t eaten in 10 hours. I stopped by Ichi Raku, common Japanese restaurant, run by illegal immigrants…but this country was the only safe one. Our cases have been low, and our death rate was lower than others…not suicide, just natural – plague death.   
  
I took a seat and ordered combo 5. Sitting by a window I watched as the sun set and the sky turned purple before the haze of pollution coated the clouds and dulled the light of the stars. Sipping the hot coffee, the waitress brought me I felt eyes burning into my backside.   
  
  
Looking right, I paused.   
  
  
Pink hair.   
  
I did a double-take, it was the girl from the intersection, from the crosswalk. I stared, briefly. Her face was pointed down at the news paper, flipping each page slowly as her eyes grazed the surface of the news. Places catching on fire, how suicide had increased; the lack of shipment and supplies…. but it really was only the beginning…so we still got to enjoy little cafes. She noticed me staring and gave me a look, one where her brow crooked and lips parted.   
  
  
I looked back outside, sipping my coffee, half-empty bowl of noodles in front of me.   
  
  
Looking right again my eyes searched for the girl, the girl with the pink hair…only she wasn’t there. I was so distracted looking for her there, I hadn’t noticed she’d sat in the seat in front of me.   
  
  
If I wasn’t used to being shot-at and sudden things happening, I would’ve jumped but I just stared. Silence there for just a moment until she opened her mouth. ‘’I’ve seen you before.’’ Her voice was soft, musical. ‘’Today actually,’’ I noted her mouth, then how pale her skin was, the light freckles that lined just below her eyes and the emerald color behind pink bangs.   
  
  
I didn’t speak, not straight away. I was never eager to have a conversation, even with my friends. I just wanted to shut down and sleep, mostly. ‘’Are you stalking me?’’ I asked, no humor to my tone as I picked up my coffee mug. I noted my food had stopped steaming; I wasn’t as hungry as my appetite told me.   
  
  
‘’I wouldn’t say that.’’ The pink haired girl smiled, only it wasn’t pretty, it was charming – almost clever, but a hint of something else.   
  
  
‘’Right.’’ Setting down my mug, I waved over the waitress and she took my food away.   
  
  
‘’Is there anything else I can get you…uh two?’’ The waitress must have taken note that the pink haired girl was no longer sitting in the other seat, natural curiosity on her face maybe wondering if we had only just met, there was a touch of evident tension.   
  
  
Before I could speak the girl opened her mouth. ‘’Yes! I’d like a hot chocolate and I’d like a café’mocha with whipped cream for my friend.’’ Still smiling, she handed the waitress a small tip and then turned her attention back to me. ‘’Coffee will be the death of you, you know.’’   
  
  
‘’How do you know I’m drinking coffee?’’ I asked, curious.   
  
  
‘’Because you drink it everyday.’’ She said blatantly, like what she was saying wasn’t at all weird in anyway. I did drink it everyday, who didn’t.   
  
  
‘’Right.’’ I watched as the waitress hurried back with our drinks. I didn’t touch the mocha. The girl noticed.   
  
  
‘’Not a fan of sweet things, Sasuke?’’ Eyeing me, she leaned in. It was official, this girl was a stalker.   
  
  
I pushed myself up, grabbing my jacket. Without a word, I left the café. Hurried down the side of the road, looking back every so often before crossing a few streets, grabbing the subway downtown and then another route to avoid going home – but something told me that girl knew where that was. How did she know my name? I shook my head, looking left and right once again before wandering toward my building.   
  
  
‘’You move fast.’’   
  
  
It was her. Again.   
  
  
‘’Are you stalking me?’’ I asked, not on edge – what the fuck could she do? The girl stood a total of 5’8, I was 6’3. I could hurt her if I had to. It wasn’t uncommon nowadays. Male or female, police were too busy handling riots to deal with this kind of violence anyway.   
  
  
‘’Sure, you could say that.’’ Shrugging, she shoved her hands in her pockets. ‘’You didn’t finish your mocha though…too bad, it was delicious.’’   
  
  
‘’You drank it?’’ I blinked. Unbelieving.   
  
  
‘’Yes, it was delicious. Chocolate is my absolute favorite thing.’’ Pausing, she pulled something from her pocket. It was wrapped in red and white packaging in the shape of a rectangle – a fucking chocolate bar.   
  
  
‘’You’re fucking weird.’’ I moved passed her. ‘’Stop following me or stalking me or whatever.’’ I warned, hurrying toward my building. The sooner I got inside, the sooner she’d fuck off and leave me alone. One benefit of my building – we had doormen.   
  
  
‘’I’m not stalking you, not really.’’ She continued. ‘’I’m just, you know, curious.’’ Following me all the way to my door. The doorman was there, like every other day.   
  
  
‘’Good Evenin’ Mr. Uchiha, good day today?’’ He asked, like every other day. He’d ask this, or he’d ask how I was feeling. I rarely answered, not even on a good day but this time I had to make sure he didn’t let the fucking girl in behind me.   
  
  
‘’I’m fine, uh Charles, don’t let that girl follow me in here yeah? If she tries, call the cops.’’   
  
  
Charles looked puzzled, looking at me and then around me. ‘’I do apologize Sir, but what girl might that be?’’ Still looking around, he then looked at me – fuck, was I losing my mind? Hurrying passed him I whispered forget it and got into the elevator before hitting the pent-house suite.   
  
  
‘’Charles can’t see me silly!’’   
  
  
There she was, all 5’9 of her. Pink hair to the middle of her shoulders, curling slightly at the end, emerald eyes shimmering in the bright lights of the large elevator. I nearly toppled over when I saw her beside me, but what baffled me more were the words she whispered. I really was losing my mind. ‘’How the fuck did you get in here?’’   
  
  
‘’Like you,’’ She leaned against the wall, crossing a leg over the top of the other. ‘’I walked.’’  
  
  
‘’How did you get around Charles?’’ I muttered; I was done. My mind was gone – this was fucked. ‘’He didn’t see you.’’   
  
  
‘’No one can see me.’’ She smiled. ‘’Only you.’’   
  
  
The elevator kept climbing, twelve stairs wasn’t a lot but for whatever reason this elevator was hardly moving. The higher we went, the slower it got. I hit the button three times, It was just a lack of sleep – this wasn’t real. This was like it was before, right after the war. It’s just PTSD. I ignored the girl, but she noticed.   
  
  
‘’Don’t worry, you’re not crazy.’’ – As if she was reading my mind, the door finally dinged and opened to my floor. I wandered in quickly ahead away from her and managed to get into my condo, close and lock the door only to see pink hair sitting on my couch near the window with legs crossed. ‘’Jeez,’’ She rolled her eyes, ‘’Would you stop running? It’s inevitable no matter how hard you try.’’   
  
  
‘’What are you?’’ I spat, getting irritated. My heart was hammering, and I felt like throwing up – this couldn’t be real.   
  
  
‘’Oh, I’m Sakura.’’ She smiled that same charming smile with a touch of something else, pushing herself up. ‘’Would you please relax; you’re going to make yourself pass out.’’   
  
  
She – It, whatever IT was, wasn’t wrong. When I got anxious at any point, I passed out and that’s exactly what I was going to do…pass out. It happened so quickly, so fast, I didn’t account that I’d maybe hit my head on the way down – but that didn’t matter anyway, maybe if I hit it hard enough, I’d stop seeing girls with fucking pink hair everywhere I went.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything seen in bold is a thing of the past.

**   
Starving would be an understatement. Going days without food is one thing, but weeks?    
Brisk wouldn’t describe the chill you felt seeping in through your bones, soaked wet feet shoved into steel-toed boots, feeling like weights pulling you down with every step you took, the mud deep as it suctioned each  footprint.   
  
  
I want to go home.    
  
  
What day is it, what month, what time?    
  
  
The sun hadn’t rose in days.    
  
  
Maybe I was imagining how black the sky really was, but the smoke was no help.   
  
  
Each breath felt like burning each time you took a breath, making your head swarm dizzy.    
  
  
Trying to remember the way the heat from the sun felt, only to realize you’re already dead so there wasn’t really a point.    
  
  
I felt a shake and then another, Naruto’s blue eyes seemed bluer against the faded charcoal caked on his face.  
  
  
The concern evident on his face as we walked side-by-side, trying to find our way back to base. ‘’Man, you need some water?’’ His voice cracked, hoarse, he was probably as thirsty as I. I swallowed; how did he have any water left.   
  
  
Pulling the almost-empty jug from his bag, he twisted off the top. ‘’Here, drink some of this.’’  
  
  
I shook my head once, then twice, but he insisted. ‘’-You need that more than I do,’’ I muttered, but he shoved it into my chest.   
  
  
‘’Just drink it Sauce,’’ Smirking, he looked left and then right. ‘’We have to be close, we just  got to be.’’    
  
  
\- How was this guy so optimistic? We’d been walking for days. It was hopeless. Enemy territory with no map, we were already dead. Why couldn’t he accept it?  There were only a few drops left in his jug, it barely refreshed the taste of bitter smoke and the dead in the air. I swallowed, wiped my mouth and stopped moving.    
  
  
Looking up, looking for any spot of anything that wasn’t grey – no dice, except those bloody eyes.    
  
  
‘’I’m beat,’’ Naruto yawned, looking around. ‘’We should keep going though, I know we’re not far. I can feel it,  ya know?’’   
  
  
I just nodded. I didn’t have the energy to speak, looking at him made me question everything – and kind of pissed me off, how was he so hopeful? I never thought to ask , not before I found my body trembling from a lack of protein, from food, from water, I was dying – I could feel it, and I welcomed it.   
  
  
But this fucking guy, wouldn’t let me no matter how much I tried; he’d pull me to my feet and keep me going - I resented him for it. Mind hazy, I felt my vision blur once before shaking my head. Hearing voices in the distance, GET DOWN – we were close, but only to be welcomed by gun shots and scared shouting.   
  
  
Instinctively, I ducked, and so did blue eyes. But I didn’t move, I just laid on the ground, staring up at the grey sky – heart pounding in my head, hearing Naruto’s voice fade in and out as he called my  name . ** **  
  
** \--  
  
  
  
\- ‘’Sasuke,  sasuke , hey man, you okay?’’    
  
  
  
I  blinked; my head pounded. I saw my ceiling fan and then those blue eyes, blonde hair, followed by that same voice that called out to me in the dark.    
  
  
  
‘’Jeez man, you gave us a scare.’’    
  
  
Us? I sat up, rubbing the back of my head. Remembering pink – but she was nowhere to be found.  ‘’I must have hit my head...’’ Mumbling, I pushed myself up only to be greeted with unwanted physical attention.    
  
  
‘’You had me so worried Sasuke!’’ Lean arms wrapped around my torso, cheap perfume filling my senses. Ino - why was she here  too? ‘’I came by to you know, drop off your schedule and  well – I couldn’t get a hold of you, so I got scared and called Naruto.’’  The blonde was nagging, always was.   
  
  
‘’I’m fine.’’ I muttered, pulling her arms away only to look at them both, and then Naruto. ‘'How did you get in here?’’    
  
  
‘'I still have a key,’’ - Cheeky, he smiled. Running a hand through his blonde locks. ‘’Seriously though, are you alright?’’ Naruto’s concern was real – he'd suffered the same shit, witnessed the chaos, but somehow...someway, he came out perfectly fine. I hated him for it.    
  
  
‘'Fine,’’ I  repeated again and again, I looked outside. ‘’What time is it?’’    
  
  
‘’11am? Give or take.’’ Ino mumbled, fumbling around in my kitchen. ’’Would you like some tea?’’    
  
  
‘’11?’’ I blinked. How long had I been out? Where was that girl? Did I imagine it all? ‘’Right, uh, I  gotta go.’’    
  
  
‘’Go where?’’ Naruto called me out. ‘’It’s  Sunday . You have nowhere to be. You sure you’re alright? Maybe you hit your head hard...’'    
  
  
‘'I told you I’m fine.’’ I barked – it wasn’t intentional.  ‘’I have a session.’'    
  
  
Naruto pushed himself up,  head tilted . ‘'On  Sundays ?’’    
  
  
‘’New thing Kakashi wanted to try.’’    
  
  
It wasn’t a lie, this was new - I didn’t think I was out for an entire weekend though.  ‘’You guys can stay, but I have to go.’’ Looking at the m both , I grabbed my jacket and keys and left before anyone could object.    
  
  
Hurrying down the hall to the elevator, I was stopped just before I left my building. It was Charles.    
  
  
‘’Ah good to see you today Mr. Sasuke, uh, sorry to bother you,’' He held out a box wrapped in red and white packaging. ‘'A young lady left this for you, she said it would make your head feel better.’'    
  
  
I stared.  So, I didn’t imagine it.... grabbing the box, I nodded and left. Hurrying outside.    
  
  
The cool air helped the dizzy spell I was  feeling, and I hurried downtown to Kakashi’s office.    
  
  
-   
  
‘’You saw a girl with pink hair, but no one else could see her?’' Kakashi was leaning forward in his chair. Unlike Monday to Friday, he was dressed more casually.  The dress pants he normally wore were jeans and he had on a sweater instead of a dress shirt.   
  
  
‘’No,’’ I corrected myself. ’'I met her in a café, the waitress could see her, my doorman couldn’t.’’   
  
  
‘’But you hit your head, didn’t you? Are you sure it wasn’t just a dream.’' He intertwined his fingers, then I threw the box of chocolates at him.  
  
  
‘’She left me those this morning with my doorman.’’  
  
  
‘’But I thought your doorman couldn’t see her.’’ Kakashi’s brow cocked and I could feel the anger boiling - he could tell, but he welcomed it. ‘’You saw blurred visions, followed by a girl with pink hair, followed by an interaction with this same girl...you said she called herself Sakura?’’    
  
  
‘’Apparently.’' I mumbled; it was the most I had ever talked. It was exhausting.    
  
  
‘’Maybe you just imagined her in your apartment, considering you did hit your head.’’ Kakashi – being as logical as he was, I decided right there and then to change the sub ject.    
  
  
‘'Yeah, maybe.’’ I shrugged, feeling defeated. I leaned back in the overly soft chair and stared at the clock. We still had fifteen minutes.    
  
  
‘'Anymore dreams?’’ He asked, ‘'About the war,’’   
  
  
‘’No.’’ I lied. ‘’Not lately.’'   
  
  
‘’Alright, well given it’s Sunday – I'll call it for today, be sure to get some rest in the meantime. If anything, strange happens, go to emerge yeah?’'    
  
  
‘’What, like if I see some pink haired girl named Sakura?’’ I joked, but my tone of voice shouted sarcasm. Kakashi caught on, he just shook his head. Unimpressed – but he was the only one who got the half of what it was like to be at war. Maybe I had hit my head. There was  no way that ha ppened; It was a coincidence, maybe I did meet a nice girl, and maybe she did leave me chocolate – but the rest was just made-up. It had to be.    



	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold lettering is for past things.

**‘’Fuck, fuck, fuck! What do I do – what do I do man! I can’t stop it!’’ Trembling, I watched as a young, inexperienced guy tried to hold in his own intestines as they fell from his stomach; I swallowed, it was evident the adrenaline and shock was keeping him alive. You don’t survive an injury quite like that, not after the whole lot of you get hit with gunshots and bombs, I crawled further, my lungs filling with smoke as I dragged myself through the mud.  
  
  
Back in basic training I figured this would be a waste of time, a waste of everyone’s time, I never accounted that we’d actually go to war; I never pictured myself crawling through the muck, the blood and the body parts scattered from blown-up bodies, blown-up men that I used to know.  
  
  
Swallowing back the thick ache in my throat, vision blurry as I tried my best to follow Naruto through the screaming, we were almost home – almost.   
  
  
‘’C’mon Sasuke!’’ He called again and again; my breathing ragged as my heart pumped the adrenaline through my veins. I could feel myself getting weaker and weaker as my own blood drained from a bullet wound in my leg, and shrapnel in my side and shoulder. How could this guy keep going?  
  
  
I wanted to stop – needed to stop, what was the point? People were dying and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.   
  
  
I longed for home; I longed for sleep; I longed for death, just in that moment.  
  
  
Then maybe I could drown out the noise, the deafening noise – the high-pitched eerie screams coming from half-dead comrades.   
  
  
Fuck.   
  
  
Feeling something grip my shoulder, I looked to my left.   
  
  
I tasted the throw-up that coated my mouth as my eyes met with dark faded ones, this guy – he stopped me dead in my tracks, he wanted to live; I didn’t blame him. Missing his eye from a shrapnel shot, and a leg from the bomb – I wondered if it was worth it to help him through the mud.  
  
  
‘’Please,’’ He muttered, his throat thick with blood – but he was still breathing, unlike most of the men. I recognized his eyes, but I couldn’t distinguish his face; I made the decision but looked a head, Naruto was further than I remembered. I did a double-take and looked back to the guy.  
  
  
‘’Fuck come on then,’’ Muttering, I pushed myself up off my knees, my boots feeling heavier as I got weaker, but I slid an arm under his and lifted him to his one foot – it wouldn’t be surprising if he bled to death but he managed to survive with one less eye and one less foot – the least I could do was help him; we were companions after-all.  
  
  
All of us wanting to go home.  
  
  
I dragged him through the mud, we stopped twelve times behind previously dug holes to hide from gunshots; it wasn’t going to end, I looked for blonde-hair, Naruto knew where to go, but he was nowhere in sight.  
  
  
The guy hanging off my side was in and out, but he still held his free hand over his bloody eye – I figured he’d be dead by the time we reached wherever it was we were going, but the adrenaline managed to keep him alive, maybe that’s all that was keeping me alive too.  
  
**

**‘’Holy fuck!’’ My vision blurred and another one called out to watch out. The both of us ducked, but this poor idiot jumped the wrong way as his blood coated my face, I watched the grenade that could have hit me – hit him instead, obliterate into mist, I swallowed.  
  
  
A dull ringing filled my ears, everything hollow and sound far away as I sat there in the middle of the field.   
  
  
I want to go home.**  
  
  
\--   
  
  
‘’Am I boring you Sasuke?’’ Karin cooed, red lips shimmering in the dull light of her even darker bedroom. ‘’You look bored…’’ Pouting, I eyed the way the light shimmered off the silver ball that sat below her bottom lip. I didn’t answer, I was bored. Not entirely sure why I thought fucking someone would get me out of whatever it is kind of a state I was in.  
  
I shifted on the couch she had placed against the wall closest to the balcony, cool air from the open door hitting my face as Karin twirled around in fishnets.  
  
‘’Naruto said you were off but this is not like you…’’ The whining tone to Karin’s voice gave me a headache; but she wasn’t wrong, normally a good fuck would get my senses going but not this time.  
  
  
Something was different.   
  
  
‘’I should go,’’ Standing up, she immediately pushed me back down. Running those dark red fingernails down the center of my chest only to rest on the buckle of my belt.   
  
‘’-So soon?’’ She cooed again, unfastening before she slid her hand down the front of my jeans, but I pushed her away and stood up again only to re-fasten them.   
  
‘’I’m serious,’’ I scoffed, irritated by her advances.   
  
Karin wasn’t an ugly woman, the opposite in fact…but lately anytime she made a move it repulsed me more than anything. ‘’I should go,’’   
  
‘’Go?’’ Disappointment and dissatisfaction obvious as she stood from her knees, her black leather skirt moving against her skin as she walked toward her bed, pulling a pack of smokes from the side-table. ‘’The party hasn’t even really started,’’   
  
‘’The party has been going for hours.’’ Ignoring her wants, I pulled on my shirt and ran a hand through my hair. I didn’t bother saying goodbye, I never did. I exited her bedroom and wandered down the hall. Heavy music playing lightly as it floated from the living room. Unnamed strangers mingling throughout her oversized condo – I went down to the kitchen only to stop at the sight of pink.  
  
  
I blinked, rubbing my eyes.   
  
  
There she stood, that 5’8 with long pink hair, ringlets of curls at the end. Only she looked different this time; her lips were painted black and those emerald eyes seemed more prominent this time.   
  
I did a double-take, her hair wasn’t pink, it was blue and then I realized my mind had been playing tricks. Konan stood across from Itachi, why the fuck was my brother here?   
  
I approached them both, he acknowledged me first.   
  
  
‘’Ah Sasuke, nice to see you out and about.’’ – Charming, he had to be. Itachi always put on the charm around women, it was disgusting.   
  
‘’Why are you here?’’ – I did not, I hated the little nice-guy act, but I suppose he was just being polite.   
  
‘’-You alright? You look a little uh, out of it.’’   
  
Fuck off Itachi, you would too if you went to war. I ran a hand through my hair again, I didn’t reply, I looked at Konan instead. ‘’New hair?’’ I asked, Konan was sweet – and though I could be a dick to Itachi, I couldn’t be a dick to her.   
  
‘So nice of you to notice,’’ She smiled, but it was brief. Touching the ends with her fingertips. ‘’I preferred purple, but my hair-dresser decided blue would suite me best.’’   
  
‘’It does.’’ I agreed; though I wasn’t one for many words, Konan had always been kind – she was one frequently in and out of my life, not that I minded; she lost her boyfriend in that silly war we had – the guy died honourably, like most of them. I felt the need to be overly cordial, even if I loathed every moment of it.   
  
‘’Right, well I’m going.’’ I mumbled, cutting the lack of conversation short. But Itachi grabbed my arm before I could go, his concern overbearing.   
  
‘’You alright? You don’t look like you’ve been sleeping,’’ His voice was low, being polite that he didn’t want Konan to overhear his concern. I ignored him, pulling my arm away.   
  
  
I was fine.   
I wasn’t sleeping, but I was fine.  
I was seeing a ghost, but I was fine; but he didn’t need to know it.   
  
  
‘’Bug off,’’ I mumbled; normally I wouldn’t be this cold – normally being pre-war and not post-war; but Itachi always explained it’d get better…but it didn’t, and it hadn’t. Moving passed him, I felt the look of discontent burning into my backside as I left Karin’s condo.   
  
  
\--   
  
  
  
‘’Your scars are almost completely faded.’’ Tsunade’s tiredlines were more evident lately, the lack of staff they had at any one hospital was appalling but she always seemed to be working. I observed as she looked over my endless chart. ‘’How are your sessions going?’’   
  
‘’Are you my doctor or my therapist.’’ I snapped quietly, pulling my shirt over my head. The woman was always asking about my sessions. It made sense though, you’d ask questions to if you treated a patient fresh out of the war, though that was long ago so I didn’t get why she still took such an interest.   
  
Funny how long-term professional interactions become personal ones.   
  
‘’Someone’s on a short-fuse today.’’ Not phased by my lack of conduct, she scribbled a few things down. ‘’How are the headaches at least?’’   
  
Finally, a question related to her job. I wouldn’t lie to her, drugs helped. ‘’Not great,’’ I admitted. ‘’I haven’t been sleeping either.’’   
  
As much as I hated talking, I hated not sleeping more. Tsunade glanced up, those tired eyes glazed over with a not-so-surprised haze. ‘’I can prescribe you something for sleep, but as for the headaches… I might get you in to get looked at.’’   
  
‘’Looked at?’’ I cocked a brow. ‘’You mean brain scan?’’ Laughing slightly, I didn’t believe her at first – but she looked fairly serious.   
  
‘’Yes Sasuke, an MRI.’’ Tsunade nodded, scribbling down a few more things. The noise the pen made, made my head ache more than it should have.   
  
‘’Right.’’ I stood up, shoving my hands in my pockets. ‘’Today than?’’   
  
‘’Sooner the better, stick around. I’ll get you in in an hour or so.’’   
  
I rolled my eyes. ‘’An hour? Why would I stick around?’’   
  
Tsunade stood up and flicked my forehead – like we were on that level of a relationship at all. ‘’So, when they page you down to the room you’ll hear them,’’ She said, Shaking her head, she took her leave – as did I.   
  
  
\--   
  
I fucking hate hospitals.  
  
The smell, it was a sick smell; the mix of unhealthy humans who were either dead or dying – but not death, just unsound and stale.   
  
I wandered the third floor first, but not the fourth; ICU was on the fourth. The nurses always scolded me whenever I took a chance up there before – and now I was notorious for wandering the quiet halls of the hospital in the middle of the day.  
  
Tsunade did this religiously – we’d meet, speak about my previous injuries and she’d prescribe me some kind of a test. This wasn’t the first MRI I’ve had and it wouldn’t be the last.   
  
Taking the elevator down to the basement – it wasn’t off limits, given the morgue was down there, I found myself down there more often than any other floor; not even the one with the café and I always craved coffee.   
  
It was quiet, security coming and going every couple of hours as they did their rounds. A nurse or two, and morgue workers – very seldomly you’d see non-hospital workers, friends and families going to identify their deceased loved ones.   
  
I walked with my head up and hands in my pockets, waiting until they called my name overhead.   
  
But I stopped when I saw pink coming out of doors leading into the morgue. I blinked, rubbing my eyes – maybe I was just imagining it again, but I wasn’t.   
  
There she was, just like that day when I saw her in the café, sitting there contently only this time she was walking toward me, half-smiling.   
  
  
  
‘’Hello Sasuke,’’ She was polite, much like she’d been the first-time; but this time I knew it couldn’t be real.   
  
I decided not to acknowledge her – it would only make shit worse. I walked in the other direction, but much like before she followed.   
  
‘’Oh, come on, don’t be like that.’’ Following beside me we walked in sync, those pink curls bouncing with every step she took – the echo from the sound bouncing down the hallway.   
  
I felt the need to speak but I didn’t, I just kept walking. The hospital was one large circle – and I could walk around for hours. Wondering if maybe she was real or not, I watched the face of the security guard – he saw her, must have. Unless he was smiling at absolutely nothing, I looked to my right and she smiled back; maybe she was real – maybe the headaches was actually a tumor, maybe I was dying – maybe she was a figment of my imagination.   
  
‘’-Are you alright?’’ She asked suddenly. ‘’You look tired.’’   
  
‘’Sakura was it?’’ Stopping, I looked at her. Up and down. She had pastel pink hair, but it seemed so healthy for dyed hair – normally girls with multi-colored hair you could see the split ends, how the hair has died in places from the toxic chemical that coated it a different color. Her eyes were the darkest shade of green, but they almost popped with emerald colors; and her skin was so pale it was almost translucent. Maybe she was real, but she was the strangest looking girl I’d ever seen.   
  
‘’Yes, I’m Sakura.’’ Nodding, she stopped with me and took note that I was trying to figure it out. ‘’We met the other day in your favorite café.’’   
  
Again, with the favorite thing – how did she know who I was.   
  
‘’Do we know each other?’’ I asked, genuinely curious – unable to tell if I was losing my mind or not.   
  
Sakura looked at her feet, down the hall at a nurse passing by – she smiled briefly at her before turning her attention back to me, her smile remained. ‘’Sort of.’’ Shrugging, she continued walking – ending that answer short, but it only made me want to ask more.   
  
‘’Why are you in the hospital, actually, why were you coming out of the morgue?’’   
  
‘’Why are you in the hospital?’’ She asked back, ignoring me entirely. ‘’Kind of odd for someone to be wandering around the basement floor of the hospital.’’   
  
‘’I could say the same about you.’’ – As if I forgot the question entirely, we approached the elevator. ‘’I saw you coming out of the morgue.’’   
  
‘’Did you?’’ She mused, clicking the UP button.   
  
Frustrated with her game, the elevator doors opened. ‘’Yes, I saw you leaving the morgue. Did someone you know die?’’   
  
‘’Not someone I know,’’ Stepping into the elevator, she turned on her heel and looked at me curiously. ‘’Well- are you getting on?’’   
  
Would she tell me if I did? I was about to saw something but then my name was heard over the pager – and the door shut to the elevator, leaving me to wonder if I really was going crazy at that point.   
  
  
\--  
  
  


**‘’Fuck why get up at 4:00am to run five miles. I don’t get it.’’  
  
His Voice-hoarse and I could barely function as I pulled myself from the single-bed dressed in a thin blanket. The matching grey shorts and tee weren’t exactly warm for October in the middle of nowhere in bunkbed filled cabins not isolated in the slightest. Overpacked with fifteen guys, with little to no space.   
  
‘’Stop fucking whining.’’ I muttered, my voice just as hoarse as his. Though I agreed, but if you whined too much you’d get punished – it wasn’t worth it. My arms were sore enough from the 300 push-ups we did earlier that day because of some bitch that wouldn’t shut up.   
  
The shit thing was is that they were preparing you for war – not that anyone in the room had been in war before; but the people training you had – it was endless, much like getting up at 4:00am to do a five-mile run. You needed cardio, but I didn’t know for what – not yet at least, nor did I want to. No one did. No one can prepare you for war – even though we were all being paid to sit in boot camp for a full six months, five months longer than any regular soldier.   
  
Our crew did six months of boot camp and one year of schooling before.   
  
Not that any amount of training mattered; we’d all get shot at eventually.   
  
‘’I hate the cold. I HATE the cold.’’   
  
They turned on the lights and my vision went blurry -   
  
  
\-   
  
**  
  
‘’Earth to Sasuke, hey, are you alright?’’   
  
I blinked a few times, realizing where I was. Two nurses and one doctor looking at me from where I was, one was Tsunade and she looked generally concerned; I must’ve spaced out completely. ‘’I’m fine,’’ Pushing myself up, one of the nurses helped and I sat up. ‘’Are we done?’’   
  
‘’Are you sure you’re alright?’’ Tsunade asked again, but it just frustrated me more. I stood up and removed the Johnny gown before pulling my shirt back over my head.   
  
‘’Fine, everything good?’’ I looked at Tsunade and she nodded, knowing exactly how I was every time they did a scan. I’d pop back into some weird form of memory-lapse from before the war and I’d wake up all puzzled for moment before coming back to my senses.   
  
‘’I said I was alright.’’ I muttered, grabbing my jacket. ‘’We good here?’’   
  
I grabbed my things and left – the headaches weren’t really explainable if there was nothing wrong with my head – but doctors had been wrong countless times in multiple situations.   
  
Wandering out of the room and down the hall I spotted pink walking in the opposite direction – I went toward her, reaching out only to turn around and come face-to-face with blue eyes instead of green ones.   
  
‘’-Um, can I help you?’’ She muttered, looking concerned for her own safety. I pulled away.   
  
‘’Sorry, thought you were someone else.’’ Shaking my head I ran a hand through my hair – watching the girl run off from where I stood – maybe I was losing my mind.

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
